So over the past couple of months, since my last post, I've recoiled back into my "safe place" again, to not expose myself to others. Folks tell me over and over, things like "In life, without taking chances, nothing happens for you.", or similar such statements. Honestly, I don't see what's wrong with me not taking chances in life, and instead living in a way that prevents things from happening. I mean, honestly, do these fucking people who perceive themselves "doing things", and taking chances ultimately the results amount to anything more than a cock-swinging story-telling of how fucking amazing they are? In the end, they're going to die just like the rest of us, eventually to be forgotten. No one else really gives a shit, other than themselves, so truly they are just as lonely and isolated as I am, only at least I am aware of who and what I am, more intimately comfortable with myself in ways they never can because they lived a life so dependent of external stimulation, that when they do get a moments chance to sit back and self-reflect, they don't even know what to do with their own thoughts, and eventually grow depressed because they aren't distracted from their own loneliness. It almost makes me feel sorry for them... almost.
I prefer these phases, and right now, although I do get a little down on myself for not taking at least more advantage of my local community in ways of assisted services, youth programs, donations, or whatever else is needed of civil labor, I appreciate the phase I'm in. It may seem sad to others, but I assure you, aside from my awareness of my own able, but lacking potential, I am well.
Syvern.
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